J is for Je suis malade

Je suis malade complètement malade . . If sickness had a heart it wouldn't have choose me, Sickness has forms and stages.

Stage #1; Hopeful attitude . . where you Confiniced yourself that you will survive this . . that you are stronger than it all . . that you are the Queen that rules her sickness and weak body.

Stage #2; Resisting . . you resist the reality that your barriers are weakend, where you shut your painful screams Up . . and you destroy ur "Crying for help " shout before anybody hears it.

Stage#3 : Falling . . you fall all alone deep inside of a hole . . you realize that you can't climb up and you gather the rest your remaining power to climb for the the last time and you fail.

Stage#4; Surrendering . .where it doesn't matter anymore . . the pain is no longer a pain coz u don't rememeber how health feels .. and you sit still waiting for it to get better when you no longer know what is "to feel better ".

Ps : Je crèverai seul avec moi