J is for Je suis malade

Je suis malade complètement malade . . If sickness had a heart it wouldn't have choose me, Sickness has forms and stages.

Stage #1; Hopeful attitude . . where you Confiniced yourself that you will survive this . . that you are stronger than it all . . that you are the Queen that rules her sickness and weak body.

Stage #2; Resisting . . you resist the reality that your barriers are weakend, where you shut your painful screams Up . . and you destroy ur "Crying for help " shout before anybody hears it.

Stage#3 : Falling . . you fall all alone deep inside of a hole . . you realize that you can't climb up and you gather the rest your remaining power to climb for the the last time and you fail.

Stage#4; Surrendering . .where it doesn't matter anymore . . the pain is no longer a pain coz u don't rememeber how health feels .. and you sit still waiting for it to get better when you no longer know what is "to feel better ".

Ps : Je crèverai seul avec moi

I for Ironic :D

Life is really Ironic ; Like they say { shr al-blyah ma y9'7k } Honestly most of the time I'd say Life is nothing but a sick Joke , But eventually I come to realize the Life is just a big university where every Lesson u are taught actually matters , every test u endure is a life or death choose .

There is this book that someone suggested me to read called " Thinking outside the box " Should I really read it ? Thinking [ INSIDE ] the box is giving me hard time to begin with . . should I make it any worse ?

So I've been thinking for a while now that " This Lady " needs a new fresh beginning ; and maybe that's all I need . . to wake up tomorrow . . Do a different hair style , apply for the position and drink this big cup of coffee and just start over , Love the university that I always hated ; ndure that stupid doctor , care for my health , and maybe and I say "Maybe" I'll give people anthor chance . . and be friendly as I always been . . just this time I know for sure . . that it will be different .

H for Homelss thoughts

I really don't know . . I seriously have no freaking idea , I'm Lost and a second later I'm found again ! Strong 90% of the time . . vulnerable the rest 10% of it . . I wonder how can I be so careless . . I can't feel the flow of time anymore . . one day I'm laying on bed all day long . .and the next I'm doing things
I never Knew I'd be doing . . I wouldn't say that I've lost , , no I know deep inside I won . . I don't regret losing her, I never felt more peaceful . . they say " Tricked me once shame on you; Tricked me twice shame on me " totally lost the meaning of friendship . . everyOne I have is a class mate apparently -.- coz I choose 2 keep them this way ! I choose to stand alone . . and strong ! Like 3asha says . . a Queen always stands in the end . .even without her king !

So I have a week break and nothing to do . . god now I wish I can drive . . can u believe it ? Me ? Drive ? behind the wheels ? I'm too much of a lady that I don't know the name of our car :P I'm bored . . and free time gives me too much issue to think about . . which ana fee 3'na 3nha ! but I'm sure every Scorpion relate to what I mean . .

So I'm applying to a job and getting my ICDL this week , , Pray for me . . yeah I know I'm only in my 2nd year in university but this job is different . . u have 2 reserve your place years & years before :P . .

Dot . . The End !

I lost a lover, and didn't know weither I gained a friend or no .
My Lover wasn't like any other . . was my best friend .. My first thought in the morning and my last at night . . A childish innocent devil . . a pure angel in a human's figure . .! basically mine was some one u regret losing . .

I lost a lover . .But I lost a friend . . & Not any friend .. the best there is . . ! when I lost my Best friend . . I had no one 2 say Morning , good night , I passed , I failed , I'm sick , I'm happy and I'm hurt . .! I simply hated my sell-phone . . left to ring with no answer from me . . & and for the weirdest reason when I do check my mobile . . it's for the phone call or sms that will never come . . !

So a day after hearing the famous phrase ( we need to talk ) I went 2 the uni an hour be4 my class , simply because I couldn't sleep the day before, I kept walking around with my ipod playing all kind of sad love song; when this car stopped in front of me . .with two of my oldest friends . . a Queen Bracelet and a movie-Icecream date . .that what they offered !
I went 2 class & my friends were trying 2 cheer me up . . Not that they knew what's wrong . . but becouse a sad me . . is not a version of me that they like to see . . ! After that I took my 2 girl-friends & shared a coffee with them , , where I found anthor friend who Knew , who forced me to eat since I couldn't remember the last thing that entered my throat . . !

I lost a lover . . and hopefully I didn't lose my best-friend . . coz the friend my lover was is really missed . . ! Maybe time is wrong . .maybe soon will come a day when I stop thinking of every word I say to him . . & be the girl that he first met . . Nothing we know about each-other except our names .. & start again as friends ! I can't be sorry for crossing the lines of friendship because I don't really regret being his girl . . !

So my ex Lover , my new friend ;
Do forgive me . . for still not finding a ground to stand on . . and just move on . . I shall find a one soon . . untill then . . do keep in mind . . that I don't mean to hurt u , I don't enjoy hurting loved ones . . ! Stay . . and soon I'll stay too . . and a new page might erase it all . . and a new book begin . . !

My Girls . . !
Thanx for having my back . . with no questions asked . . thanx for caring , loving and adoring me in my worst shapes . .
I'm grateful for today . . I'm grateful forever . . ! Hope God protects you . . coz u are so very precious to me .

{ I can't bear to lose the precious time we spent togather . . ~

G for Glory , ,

I've been there & I've done that . . I reached the top and didn't like it there . . ( Too cold :p )I took every little step that cost me so very much . . Yet I kept on going !struggled to reach the end ! And let me tell you people the top is much different from the bottom . . ! People are cruel , but they have been this way from the begining of time . . So it's very foolish of you to give their opinions any values . . It has to be you . . & only you, whom you atr trying to please . . you are spending ur whole life stuck with urself, so you are the one you should be trying to win approval from . . !
Glory . . is not something u buy with money . . It's a great honour that comes from within . . !

* Have been through so much Lately . . ! excuse my unrelated thoughts

*Taken By: rivera

F for Fairy

It was hard to choose a word . . I didn't really have much in mind . . I was thinking Fashion, Fair, Fond . . But I settled of Fairy , , Partly because I'm reading a fairy story at the moment , I'm a day dreamer . .I dream almost 24/7 . . One second I'm in Qatar . . the next I'm having corrosant in a coffee shop infront the evil tower with a lover . . the creature that was born for me and only me . . !


If you can be any where u want .. If u say the name of the place and you are there . . to jump through time and place . . where will u be ?


Honestly . . I'm not really that creative . . I want to have breakfast in France , walk around In Spain in the street shops with friend . . buying old antics and flirting with those old men , by noon I'll be a model on the runaway . . wearing Channel's last design , Have launch in Japan wearing the traditional Kimono and exchanging conversation using my poor Japanese, walking on the beaches of a Caribbean Island , dancing around with them , having a candle light dinner on top on a mountain , skii and skating everywhere, visiting every Place on Earth that is worth visiting . . and meeting all sort of ppl there is . . !



In the end . . No beautiful place on Earth I'd wait to be , , that is more breathtaking than the arms of a loved one .

E for Enemy . . ~

The fact is I am myself's worst enemy . . I know that but I choose to neglected . . I stopped Caring on the things in me that is difficult to fix ; such as my health . . and Started to focus on the things I can accomplish like being a straight A student . . I don't mind being a Nerdi as long as I am a nerdi with Class :P

Sometimes I think that I am blind , not being able to see how smart and extradoinary person I am ! But again if I was really Lucky I wouldn't be lost in the maze of my matured mind ! Life taught me that being a good honest girl who puts everyone's needs before her own . . is nothing but a loser . . Because those days " البشر صـار يـأكلها البـشر " I never let anyone gets that close to me . . no matter how much friends I've got . . I am scorpion so I'm very hard to understand . . and I do learn my lessons very well . . I do admit that I've let a friend to be that close to me to the point that my back was an easy target since we both exchanged full trust . . after that I've grown to be a heartless Lady yet a very warm one . . Nothing hurts more than the betrayal of a friend . . I don't think I'd have been that hurt if I was stapped by a lover . . but again . . I am a different person than most of the people I've met . . & I got to say I had my share of unique people . . to the point that I stopped worrying and desiring to belong . . I just figured out that people like me don’t' really belong . . and what is wrong about that ? I am just special . . which is a good thing :D coz that makes me interesting on some level and One of a kind . . ~

I'm sorry if I sound like I'm full of myself but I am not . . If I was. . I wouldn't call myself to be the "Enemy"

Ps: Photo taken by : anja